by Hope
The call outs on my post about my kids beginning to migrate were SPOT ON! And as I’ve heard about their plans, I’ve had the same fears. Can I set better boundaries? Be consistent in saying NO or rather, not offering financial help? And essentially reset, the relationship as a parent with now all adult, independent children?
First off, I want to be very clear. The issue is with me. My kids do not ask me for help very often. And when they do, it’s been minimal and typically temporary. They are all doing so well at being independent.
The problem is ME.
And this has always been the case. I finally think I see clearly. Not perfectly for sure, but clearly.
My challenge is how do I reset the expectations with my kids? And I’m just writing out loud here the thoughts going through my head.
- How do I invite them to a meal out or to meet up without them expecting me to pay for them? Like what words do you use? How do I set that as the general experience and when I can or want to treat, make that the exception?
- How do I stop leading with my heart? Or my “I want to do this” for whomever? Like when they mention something and I want to provide it. This has been a huge one during their childhood. But I’m doing better, much better with the distance.
- How do I invite them on a trip or adventure, setting the expectation of them covering their own way? And how do I handle it if one or another can’t do it financially? Cancel the whole thing or just going with those who can?
These are just a few of the thoughts I am having.
And as much as I’m enjoying the Dave Ramsey class, my group has no other later in life people, parents, no other empty nesters in it, so I don’t feel like they are in a place to provide experienced guidance or feedback. Does that make sense?
Small Win – Valentines
I was really proud of myself as Valentines came around. Instead of going overboard shipping boxes of even small things, I bought them each a card and wrote a personal love note. No candy, no stuff, no gift card. Just a heartfelt card. I know that seems stupid or like “duh” to most people here. But, wow, that was a huge thing for me to not do anything else. Next up Easter.
Hope is a resourceful and solutions-driven business manager who has spent nearly two decades helping clients streamline their operations and grow their businesses through project management, digital marketing, and tech expertise. Recently transitioning from her role as a single mom of five foster/adoptive children to an empty nester, Hope is navigating the emotional and practical challenges of redefining her life while maintaining her determination to regain financial control and eliminate debt.
Living in a cozy small town in northeast Georgia with her three dogs, Hope cherishes the serenity of the mountains over the bustle of the beach. Though her kids are now finding their footing in the world—pursuing education, careers, and independence—she remains deeply committed to supporting them in this next chapter, even as she faces the bittersweet tug of letting go.
Since joining the Blogging Away Debt community in 2015, Hope has candidly shared her journey of financial ups and downs. Now, with a renewed focus and a clear path ahead, she’s ready to tackle her finances with the same passion and perseverance that she’s brought to her life and career. Through her writing, she continues to inspire others to confront their own financial challenges and strive for a brighter future.
